I’ve been meaning to write this blog post for a really long time, and today, as I am stuck in bed recovering from a rather invasive hospital procedure, I’ve finally found the time to get it on paper, and by the time you read this, onto the laptop.
Over recent years, life for all of us has been somewhat challenging, hasn’t it? There’s been turmoil and drama and things that have pushed us (or me at least), to our absolute limits. And I for one, am not sure if I would have survived as well as I have, without the support of the incredible women in my life; women that I am honoured to call my friends.
For those of you who are lucky enough to have had lots of female friends all your life, you may be wondering what on earth I am talking about, but for me, female friendships had not been a huge part of my life, like they are now, until I hit my 40’s.
That’s not to say that I haven’t got a handful of incredible life long female friends, because I have. I met my best friend in the world when we were just 15, and we have been like sisters ever since. And I still have a strong relationship with a dear friend from primary school, even though I moved away when I was 13. We have never lost touch and are always there for each other.
But what I am saying is that as I’ve got older, especially in recent years, my group of close female friends has started to expand, and all these relationships are almost instantly very deep and never superficial.
As a young child I was extremely shy and so I had very few friends at primary school. As a teenager, especially in school, I really struggled to make female friends. I didn’t hang around with any of the cliques, I wasn’t interested in the same things, I was a bit of an outsider, but I was fine with that.
As a result, almost all my friends were boys, because they were less complicated, less judgmental and far easier to get on with than teenage girls! There was no bitchiness, everything was simple and straightforward, and I really appreciated that. I still do. I have some incredible male friends whom I love very much, and I think that these relationships too, have got much more honest as I have grown older.
In my 20’s I met some amazing female work colleagues who became my friends. As a team we were a force to be reckoned with, and we all still keep in touch and see each other when we can.
In my 30’s a lot of my time was consumed with raising a very young family. For a while there, my only friends were Peppa Pig and Mr Tumble! But it was hitting my 40’s that has really revealed to me the truest, deepest value of female friendships.
I am genuinely humbled and proud to say that I am now surrounded by such an incredible group of women, that I never ever feel scared or alone. I am never self-conscious when I am with any of them, and I know I can be 100% myself in their company. I also know that whatever is happening to me, at least one of them has already been through it and dealt with it before, and they can and will help.
My friendship group has expanded quite a lot, and although not all of my friends know each other, I know that if I put them in a room together, they would absolutely get on and it would be the best party ever….hmmm, maybe I should arrange that.
Over the past few years, my friends have done some absolutely incredible things for me, things that go way above and beyond the job description of “friend”. They have been at my side through some of the toughest times of my life, they have sent me things in the post, turned up with presents and presence. They have messaged me day and night to make sure I was ok, and they were even supporting me with the most honest, funny, advice I’ve ever had during my recent colonoscopy and the preparation for that. (If you know, you know!) Nothing has been off limits.
And in return, it has been an absolute joy and honour for me to give the same level of support to them in their times of need and in their times of celebration and happiness.
So, what has changed? What has happened in my 40’s that has suddenly created an abundance of these amazing relationships? I didn’t set out to make lots of friends, and I don’t make friends with random people in the street!
But I think what has changed is that I have become more of who I really am. I genuinely don’t care what most people think of me, unless those people are close to me, then I know they have a valid point. But for the most part, I have just stepped into more of me, the messy, chaotic, woo woo me that I perhaps kept more sedated in the past.
I suspect that a shift in hormones has also contributed to this state of affairs. My oestrogen rose tinted glasses have fallen off and I am now much clearer about who I am and what I will and will not tolerate. I think, this has drawn friends to me, mostly because of my no nonsense, humorous, advice and the little bit of fiery rage that helps me to help them to get shit done!
It seems that as women get older, the need to impress and endear people to us decreases and we are much more comfortable to share our faults and vulnerabilities.
There is something extremely sacred and instinctive about female friendships. They create a space where we feel safe, held and supported by those who already know how we are feeling. A deep, ancient, feminine, unspoken wisdom develops within these friendships, and intuition heightens. How many times have you messaged a friend because you suddenly knew that they needed your support?
You don’t need to just take my word for it either. A study in The Journal for Clinical Oncology found that close friendships were deeply healing. Women with more support from close friends during the early stages of breast cancer have increased survival rates.
Women give each other the support that they need in a way that nurtures and cares. It’s intuitive, selfless, honest and holds the other person’s wellbeing at its very core. I’ve been very lucky to be held in this space by many of my friends and I have found that there is something about the unspoken bond between female friends that goes beyond reality, it’s a shared lived experience of generations of women that is almost otherworldly.
An article by Kirsten Fuller, M.D. on the Psychology Today website states that:
“Girlfriends have a distinctive way of reading emotions and intuitively recognise what needs to be done then act on it. We understand each other, we validate each other… We tell each other when we have food in our teeth or when our shirt is on backward, and we share lasting memories with each other.”
That’s pretty special, eh.
So, as I sit here today, recovering from a colonoscopy and what I can only describe as the most stressful month of 2024, I am filled with gratitude for all of my friends, new and old, and those who I haven’t even met yet! Thank you for your love and support and for showing me what true friendship is all about. X
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