Life can feel insanely overwhelming at times, can’t it? You find me on a day when I have reached a state of complete paralysis in terms of being able to get anything done. My “to do list” has reached a point where everything feels urgent, and everyone is depending on me to have done all of the things probably weeks ago. I haven’t done them, and now I feel like I’m being crushed by the weight of it all.
It's not surprising that we feel like this sometimes, especially those of us who were socialised as female. For as long as we have been alive, most of us have been taught that we need to do all the things and prioritise everyone else’s needs above our own. This rarely ends well, and it can seriously affect our mental and physical wellbeing, as I mentioned in my last blog post,
The expectation on women in the western world to do everything and “have it all,” is immense and completely unrealistic.
I am still recovering from vertigo and trying to get to the bottom of a new health related symptom, but I am also the mother of 3 children who are on the autistic spectrum, and anyone who has an experience of the SEN system in this country will know that this requires the same amount of paperwork as operating a multi-national corporation. It is ENDLESS and if you don’t do it, everything falls apart! So, the pressure is always on to keep up, and this, along with everything else, can very quickly lead to overwhelm.
Over, the years I have battled with overwhelm regularly and I have really berated myself for not keeping up with this full-time occupation. “How come everyone else can do these things, when I can’t?” I would ask myself, “why do I procrastinate so much? Why am I so bloody useless?” It’s amazing what we can make simple things mean about ourselves, isn’t it?
Not very helpful, eh. But then I stopped and started to be kinder to myself and show myself the compassion that I happily give to everyone else. I also devised a system that works for me, and I want to share it with you, in case you too are in a state of utter overwhelm. Here it is:
The first thing I do is something that survival experts do when they are lost and disorientated, I ask myself these questions; have I eaten enough? Have I recently drunk some water and am I rested enough for these tasks? Take a minute to think about these questions and orientate yourself within your own body. I always recommend having a drink of water, because that helps the brain to function better.
The next thing I do is consider where I am hormonally in my cycle. The first half of the cycle when oestrogen is high you might find that you can manage all of the tasks with relative ease, especially if they involve interacting with other people.
In the second half of your cycle, you might find this more challenging, so be kind to yourself as you work through the tasks and make sure you rest at the end.
If, like me, you are also perimenopausal and your hormones are all over the place, my best advice is to do what you can when you feel you can, and definitely reward yourself after each task.
I highly recommend tracking your cycle to all my clients, it’s one of the most simple and useful tools I use. I’ve been doing it for years. I’ve added a free, printable tracker at the end of this blog, simply print it off and fill it in every day with how you are feeling. One word will suffice.
I am currently in a prime position for getting shit done, I am in the last two days of my cycle, and for reasons known only to my hormones, this is a time when they want all loose ends tied up and completed so that I can rest when my next cycle starts. This is good news.
The next thing to do is write a list of things you have been avoiding, the things that make your stomach churn every time you remember that you STILL haven’t done them. The things you avoid by doing other mundane tasks like housework, scrolling on social media and laundry.
It’s incredible how many other things I can find to do when I know that I have really important jobs to get on with! When overwhelm strikes, procrastination kicks in. We do anything BUT the things we need to get done. This is a normal human response, thanks to our nervous systems. It’s a message that tells us that we are at our limits with what we can take on.
Writing a list, as painful as it may be, has been one of the most helpful things I’ve ever done when I’m in a state of overwhelm. Being perimenopausal, a busy mum of three and also quite possibly having ADHD myself, my brain cannot hold information for long, so a list helps to keep me focused.
So, grab a pen and write that list. Put the worst jobs at the top to do first. Write everything down that needs to be done.
Now look at the list, how long is it? Do all the things on that list need to be done by you, or can you delegate some of the tasks?
Once you have a list of “your jobs,” get yourself a cup of tea and get started.
If your task involves speaking to a government agency or something that causes you to feel stressed before you have even dialed the number, make sure you have a drink with you, everything you need on hand, pen and paper for doodling, and give yourself a reward and a well-deserved 10-minute rest from jobs when you have ended the call.
Phone calls are really hard, especially for neurodivergent people, so do one at a time and reward yourself in between.
Crossing each task off the list as you do it, also brings a sense of achievement. It’s a visual representation of work you have done, work that is usually invisible to everyone, but work that is really important nonetheless.
Being a coach myself, I have listened to many other coaches over the years, offering advice on how to get things done, and each one holds value and can be effective depending on my mood, my hormones and what needs to be done. However, the one phrase that always pulls me out of a rut and makes me focus is from quite a controversial coach called Biba Tanya, who declared in her glorious northern accent:
“If you’ve got a list of jobs to do, fucking get on with it!”
And that is the phrase that personally motivates me, most of the time. There are no grey areas, no space for procrastination, just forward movement! It might not be ideal for emotional days, but on other days, it’s brilliant.
Using these methods, it took me less than two hours to do what I had been avoiding for weeks and weeks. Things that had made me feel like an absolutely terrible person because I still hadn’t done them. Things that had led me into a state of overwhelm and procrastination.
And I got so “in the zone” that I added extra things to the list and got through those as well. I even wrote notes for this blog post whilst I was doing all the awful phone calls to the DWP!
I feel like a weight has lifted and now I can move forward and enjoy my day. I really hope that you have found this blog post helpful, and I hope it allows you to move out of overwhelm and take back some control in your day-to-day life.
Sarah. X
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