Hello! How are you feeling today? Think about that question honestly for a moment, are you feeling fantastic? Or are you feeling a bit under par and not like yourself?
I am writing this blog post from the sofa, where I have been all morning, ignoring the housework that needs to be done, because actually I’ve not been very well recently, and I am taking responsibility for my recovery.
I have had vertigo for almost three weeks now, which is finally subsiding, but hasn’t completely gone yet. I has meant that I have literally had to sit with myself and take radical responsibility for my own self-care, which is not easy to do when you are a mum of three who runs her own business. I’ve had to ask for help and rely on other people, which has felt quite uncomfortable, but not as uncomfortable as my world spinning on its axis at random moments.
Whilst sitting and not being able to do all of the things, I came to realise something… The world didn’t stop when I stopped, and people are capable of getting on without me. It has been quite a revelation for a woman who usually does everything for everyone and more. I have still been able to order food shopping and I have been driven to work today, but my overall mental and physical load has decreased significantly.
I have taken time to look at all of the things that I have taken on over the past few years, and I have done some life pruning! I have trimmed away lots of unnecessary things that were putting strain on me, and I feel like a weight has been lifted, and with it, some of the dizziness.
We take on so much in life, especially those who are socialised as female. We feel obligated to be kind and helpful to everyone, to work and contribute to the family, but also be the main carer for children, elderly parents and everyone in between. I am even the designated carer for all of the pets that my children have “desperately needed” over the years and now don’t look at!
Sometimes it’s good to stop and do a little life evaluation because so often we take on so much that doesn’t belong to us and whether we recognise it or not, this impacts upon our wellbeing.
Here’s a little challenge for you. Grab a pen and piece of paper and write down all the things you have been responsible for today:
Feeding the kids
Doing the food shopping
Booking appointments
Organising diaries
Washing dirty clothes
Sorting out pets
Taking on emotional issues
Dealing with money
Earning money
Helping other people
Driving/ transporting other people around
Doing jobs at work that are not in your job description
Working beyond your set work hours and through lunch breaks
Anything else?
I bet you didn’t include feeding yourself, making sure your needs were met or drinking enough water, but I bet you did include doing that for everyone else.
Now reflect on how much of that list is actually your responsibility. What would happen if you didn’t do those things? Score each of those tasks from A-C, with A being really important, B being slightly important, but someone else could do it, and C being not important at all.
Next write a list of A tasks, they are the ones to focus on. Anything that is a B task can be delegated to others, and anything that is a C task can wait or be taken off the list permanently. If you are doing things that don’t bring you joy and aren’t a priority, STOP!
We hold so much that doesn’t bring us joy, and we plough on with everything because it’s quicker and easier than asking for help… until we get ill. All these behaviours have a huge impact on our mental and physical health and our hormones.
Did you know that 80% of autoimmune disease occurs in women, perhaps because we put everyone else’s needs and wants before our own, we are people pleasers because that's what society has deemed to be our role. This Video with Gabor Mate and Dr Chatterjee really highlights some of the contributing factors:
Next, I want you to score each of these things from 1-10 for your current situation. 1 being terrible and 10 being perfect.
How well do you sleep?
How good is your current diet in terms of nutrition?
How much time do you spend outdoors?
How much time do you have each day to do something you enjoy?
How often do you exercise?
How often do you say no to things that you don’t want to do?
Keep a note of your scores.
All these things have a direct impact on our hormone levels, which in turn affects every part of our body. In order to feel well and like functioning human beings, we must prioritise our wellness, because if we don’t, we will be forced to make time for illness, which, let me tell you is VERY inconvenient and annoying!
So, here’s my challenge for you. This week I would like you to do less for everyone else and do more to care for yourself. Get responsible for your own needs. Go to bed at a reasonable hour, eat food that will give you the nutrients you need, go outside in the natural light, do something that brings you joy, see your friends, do some exercise that you enjoy, and this time next week, redo your scores for the above questions. I know that you will see some improvement.
Then try it for another week, and another, until caring for yourself becomes something that you prioritise, and it is on your list if “A tasks.”
It can feel strange at first to put in boundaries around your own self-care, especially when everyone is so used to you being the one who does all the things, but you are as important as everyone else and you deserve as much care and love as you give to everyone else.
I am almost better now, but I will definitely not be taking on so much going forward. I have selected the things that bring me most joy and least stress and this shall be my motto going forward!
(And yes, I have been to the doctors, and yes it could be perimenopause related. I am doing my prescribed exercises, and following my own advice, and I am going back next week if it doesn't go away completely!)
Have a lovely weekend everyone. Don’t forget to do something just for you! You can do it, I believe in you.
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