New book - A sneak preview (including why o*gasms are good for you!)

As you may or may not know, 2025 is turning into a bit of a challenging year for me so far. Way back in January I had an incident with the guinea pig hutch in the garden, when the wind slammed the lid down on the top of my left wrist and damaged the bone and the joint. This is not ideal when one is a reflexologist and needs the full use of both hands!

I have had an ultrasound scan, an X-ray and most recently an MRI scan, and I am now being referred to an orthopedic hand and wrist specialist... this may require surgery, thank you guinea pigs! However, I have been able to offer some limited treatments, and thanks to my ADHD brain, I can't just sit still and do nothing, so I got very inspired to write a book for you, containing everything I've learned about fertility and reflexology over 10 years of fertility struggles and 12 years of working as a reflexologist, specialising in fertility.

I am not finished yet, but I'm 18,000 words in. So I thought I would share with you some small snippets to see what you think. If you have anything you would like me to include in the book related to fertility or reflexology, please do let me know.

A small snippet of chapter 2:

Here’s a question for you? You don’t have to tell anyone the answer, just think about it, how well do you know the anatomy of your genitals? There’s a question I bet you weren’t expecting to be pondering today!

Most women know only the basics of their own anatomy, even though it is also women who deal with a lot more changes in their bodies every month, and indeed throughout their lives. And I have to confess, that through the process of writing this book, even I have discovered things that I didn’t know before.

This is the part in the sex education class where a teacher sheepishly suggests that you go home and find a hand mirror so that you can see your own anatomy. You are very welcome to do that if you wish, but it is not compulsory!

It can feel quite embarrassing sometimes to talk about our bodies, especially with the sex education we had at school and elsewhere. It may not be something that is encouraged in your family or wider culture and its definitely something that much of the older generations find difficult. Most of the older generation I know rarely speak about any health issues clearly or factually.

I have two tasks for you here:

First, I want you to think of all the words that you know that have been used by family, friends and school staff to name male and female genitals. Feel free to write a list.

Secondly, take a minute to reflect on your own experiences as a child and a teenager, how easy was it for you to talk to your parents about sex or anything that was bothering you relating to sex and relationships?

So often we turned to our peers instead, which may have been helpful, but would probably have lacked in depth of knowledge.

Where else did we seek knowledge and understanding of sex and relationships?

I am probably slightly older than many of you, but I’ve done my best to compile a few images that might spark your memory!

Not knowing or using the correct names for different parts of our own anatomy can cause problems too, especially in terms of gynecological health, including fertility. We really need to be able to explain clearly what is going on for us.

Often in my treatment room I have people apologising for sharing too much information. Let me tell you now, the more you can tell me about your body, how it’s functioning and the symptoms you are experiencing, the easier it is for me to be able to tailor your treatment and care and support you to move forward. So, it’s never TMI.

I am fascinated by the human body and how it works, every last detail. And so, I am totally comfortable with you telling me about cervical mucus, discharge, semen analysis, blood results, urine, poo, digestive troubles and more. You never need to apologise to me or anyone else for your incredible body.

So, let’s take a look at our own anatomy, starting with females, and see what we can learn. Don’t panic, I’ve drawn some diagrams, I haven’t arranged a live zoom class!

Another snippet of chapter two:

So, if the clitoris is the only human organ which is designed purely for pleasure and orgasms, it leads me to believe that orgasms might be a helpful function in reproduction. I have to say that there is not much research to support my theory, I wonder why? But I have found one article, which I will link to in the notes at the end of the book, suggesting that a female orgasm creates a vacuum that draws sperm up towards the uterus.

But please don’t save orgasms just for baby making. If you need a reason to engage in “executive lie downs” as the hilarious Caitlin Moran calls them, here are 7 reasons why orgasms are good for you:

1.     They release dopamine which is known as the “happy hormone,” so they put you in a better mood. Your body also releases other helpful hormones such as serotonin and oxytocin, which could help to lower cortisol, which is a stress hormone that blocks our oestrogen receptors.

2.     They help improve sleep. A small survey published in May 2023 in The Journal of Sleep found that 75% of participants reported a better night’s sleep after they had sex or an orgasm close to bedtime.

3.     They strengthen your pelvic floor! Always a winner in my book.

4.     They boost your heart health! Orgasms not only reduce stress and help you sleep, but they also have a positive effect on our hearts. A study published in March 2022, in the European Journal of Preventative Cardiology, found that heart attack survivors had a 35% lower risk of death over the following two decades, if they got back to normal or increased sexual activity during the first six months after their heart attack!

5.     Pain relief: The large number of endorphins released during orgasms seem to impact on how the body reacts to pain. An observational study found that 60% of migraine sufferers and 37% of people who suffered with cluster headaches found orgasms helped to relieve the pain. 5 Surprising Benefits of Orgasm (everydayhealth.com)

6.     Orgasms may help regulate your cycle: A study by Winnifred B. Cuttler et al in Psychoneuronendocrinology volume 25, Jan 2000 found that women who orgasm once a week are more likely to have regular menstrual cycles that those who have irregular sex. You may also find that you have naturally better orgasms and want more of them around the time of ovulation and leading up to ovulation. That’s your oestrogen kicking in, doing what it’s supposed to do!

7.     Orgasms improve the intimacy between you and your partner, and the better the sex, the more up for it you both will be. Trying to conceive is really tough on relationships, so don’t forget to enjoy being with each other just for pleasure.

There are loads more benefits of orgasms that I could blather on about, including improved brain function and verbal fluency, fresher skin because your body produces more collogen, increased bone mass and burning calories, but I think you have enough reasons to focus on practising orgasms right here!

When we are trying to conceive, month after month, year after year, sex and orgasms can become pretty mechanicalized and clinical. This leads both partners to almost resent having to do this chore. Not only that, but the emotional toll on both partners is immense. We will talk about caring for your relationship later in the book.

I used to hate it when people would say to me, “Oh, but it’s fun trying though, isn’t it?”

Because all I wasn’t to scream at them was, “No! It f’ing isn’t! It’s depressing, overwhelming, stressful and deeply distressing actually!”

But I hope this book helps you to navigate these choppy, emotional seas with a little more joy, self compassion and hopefully some more fun.

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So there you have it, a sneak peek of what is coming soon. I am writing chapters on all sorts of aspects of reflexology and fertility, including grief and loss, looking after your relationship, deep diving into your menstrual cycles and men's health. I am working hard to get this book finished, and I will keep you all updated on progress.

#fertility #newbook #ttc #reflexology