I’m writing this post in a state of furious overwhelm, having just cleaned the kitchen, put away the groceries, done two loads of laundry, cooked breakfast for three ravenous children and realised that I now have a million things to do to make Christmas happen in just 22 days.
I am angry about everything and nothing. I want help, but it needs to be the right help – done correctly. I have a strong urge to run away from it all, but no energy or enthusiasm to actually do it, and anyway, where would I go?
The washing machine is beeping at me, indicating that I have another mundane job to do, and I am questioning how on earth I got here….
Welcome to perimenopause.
Perimenopause seems to be ‘all the rage’ on social media, doesn’t it? We hear about it every day and it seems to get the blame for pretty much everything, and I am as guilty of this as everyone else. I see perimenopause a bit like an ongoing, cathartic phase of PMS, a time of absolute clarity for women, when the oestrogen begins to fall, our rose-tinted glasses begin to fade, and the stark reality of just how much shit we have tolerated for all of our life so far comes into sharp focus.
Perimenopause is a life stage where we are moving into a bigger, wiser, more powerful time of life and our body is preparing us for this. It invites us to know ourselves better and have less people pleasing and more “me pleasing!”
I often have a strong urge to throw everything away and start again, and in a way, perimenopause allows us the opportunity to do that. It offers us space to review what no longer serves us, to say NO to the things we don’t want to do anymore and to streamline our lives and decide who we want to be for the next chapter.
It is a very fiery time, and indeed we work the kidney acupressure points in reflexology to calm the fire. However, what we must be careful of, is having a “burn the house down moment,” when we destroy the things that are actually really special and important to us, whilst in hormone fuelled mood swings. This is the time when we need to step back and take a few deep breaths to reflect on the good things, because there are good things.
I work with many women navigating this phase of life, some are loving their new empowered role, others are finding the symptoms unmanageable and extreme. So how do you know when you are experiencing perimenopause and what is it?
Perimenopause is the time of life where our menstrual cycle begins to shift and wind down, eventually leading to menopause (when you have not had a period for 1 full year). Gone are the lovely predictable days of regular cycles and gently fluctuating hormones, as Sheryl Crow sings, “…these are the days when anything goes. Every day is a winding road!”
In the Western world, we take the rather depressing view that menopause is an ending to our fertility and child rearing years, whereas in the East it is regarded as a rite of passage, inviting women to step into a newer, wiser phase of life. I know which one I’m opting for!
The average age to experience menopause in the UK is 52. Peri menopause can start up to 10 years before actual menopause, so it can be a real wild ride! But usually, it becomes really noticeable about 4 or 5 years before menopause. And it is here that I would like to reassure you that for most women, after menopause has happened, many, if not all the symptoms, go away.
These are some of the most common symptoms, it is unlikely that you will get every single one and some people have no symptoms at all:
Hot flushes, night sweats, itching skin, insomnia, anxiety, depression, neurodiversity can become more noticeable (I am certainly experiencing that!), feeling low, brain fog and forgetfulness, headaches, migraines, muscle wasting, weight gain, dry skin, osteoporosis, irregular periods, cracked heels, sleep disturbance, vivid dreams, mood swings, thinning hair, tinnitus, heart palpitations, bloating, constipation, craving sugar, vaginal dryness, frequent UTI’s, low libido, high libido, feeling low, fungal infections.
Sounds like a real bundle of fun, eh!
It is all very well and good, becoming a fiery, feisty, wise woman, but the process, as you can see, can be tough, and someone still needs to make packed lunches, do some laundry and function in everyday life. As nice as it would be to take ourselves away on a beautiful self-reflective journey for five years, that’s probably not an option for most of us!
However, there are many things we can do to try to limit these symptoms and put ourselves in the best possible health to navigate this time, and when clients work with me, we often look at the following lifestyle changes:
1. Ask for help: This is one of the hardest things to do, especially because we know that nobody does things as well as we do! But you are dealing with A LOT and it’s time to delegate. Write a list of all the jobs that need to be done, they are family jobs, they do not belong to you, and let them help you. The jobs might not be done to your standards but let that go. Even if you live alone, its ok to ask for help, friends and family can support you.
2. Get outside in nature as much as possible: As a qualified eco therapist (or certified tree hugger, as my friends refer to me), I cannot tell you enough just how powerful and positive our connection with nature is for our health and wellbeing. Green space and the natural world are one of the best healers, but don’t just take my word for it, a study of Chinese women, by G Zhao et al (June 2000), found that the women who had careers in the city had significantly more perimenopausal symptoms that those women who lived and worked in farming communities, in touch with nature.
3. Say “No” more often to the things you don’t want to do, and “Yes” more often to the things you do want to do. Perimenopause offers us a glorious window of time to really evaluate what is important to us, and what isn’t. Use this gift and prioritise the things that YOU want to do.
4. Eat food that nourishes and supports you: Food is a big contributing factor in how our bodies and hormones respond to the perimenopause, and sugar is a major culprit, as it causes inflammation and insulin resistance as well as making hot flushes worse! I highly recommend The Glucose Goddess Method book by Jessie Inchauspe to learn more about how we can manage our glucose spikes. Also eating more organic plant-based foods, cutting out alcohol and upping your calcium intake with dairy products, cabbage, watercress, sesame seeds and dried figs can be beneficial.
5. Reduce stress: Stress makes perimenopause symptoms worse; we know this. The rate of mental health issues in women peaks between the ages of 45 and 54, unsurprisingly really as we are trying to navigate this massive change whilst dealing with an already stressful life. We may be caring for children or teenagers, looking after elderly parents, trying to work, dealing with money issues and so much more. This is a recipe for raising cortisol levels, which has a huge impact on our bodies, blocking hormone receptors and generally being a pain! So, what do we do? Well, we incorporate these 8 points into our lives, we ask for help, and we book a reflexology appointment with a brilliant reflexologist who can help you manage your stress! (Other holistic therapies are available!)
6. Exercise gently and in a variety of ways: Exercise is one of the most important things any of us can do to improve our health and wellbeing and during perimenopause and beyond. It is recommended that we incorporate a whole range of different exercise into out lives, things like walking, skipping, jogging, tennis, yoga, swimming, and tai chi are all good. Find the things you love.
7. Sleep: During perimenopause, sleep, like most other hormone related functions, can become disrupted, which can put you in a bit of a vicious cycle. Doing all the things above will undoubtedly have a positive impact on your sleep, and getting better sleep will certainly improve your general health, but I want you to also make some time to just rest. It’s ok to stop. It’s ok to curl up on the sofa and read a book. It’s ok to take a nap. Listen to your body, what is it telling you it needs? And obviously I would highly recommend reflexology to support you with sleep!
8. Gratitude: I don’t want to make this a toxic positivity type activity, where we feel guilty for not feeling 100% ourselves and we know we have a million things to be grateful for, that it not helpful. Your feelings are completely valid, you are in the process of a huge internal change. But what can be helpful is just noticing the small things you enjoy each day, that first sip of a cup of tea, that sound of the birds singing, the smell of your favourite food, just the little things that can boost your mood.
Where to seek support:
If symptoms of perimenopause are affecting your life in any way, I highly recommend seeking support, don’t suffer in silence. This is a natural stage of life, but it can also be a hard stage of life. Talk to friends and family. How did the women in your family experience perimenopause?
Speak to your GP about HRT if that is the route you would like to go down. I’ve seen first-hand, the huge positive effects of HRT on many of my clients. This is especially important in terms of mental health. Even if you don’t want HRT, your GP might be able to signpost you to places that can offer extra support in terms of mental health.
If you would like to go a different way, I highly recommend doing a lot of research into lifestyle changes that can support your body through this time. It is incredible what a difference small, simple changes can make.
And lastly, find yourself a fabulous reflexologist! Check out the Association of Reflexologists website to find a therapist near you. We are here to listen, to support you and help you find some balance in your life.
Helpful books and podcasts: (Click on the links to learn more.)
Books:
Podcasts
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